As a new year rolls around many of us take stock of where we are and where we want to be. Sometimes that means creating New Year’s resolutions, or just thinking about self improvement goals. We all go into the year so well intended and feeling so energized, dreaming about what our new self could be like, yet it rarely ever works! Researchers have found that only 9% of Americans actually achieve their New Year’s goals and 43% have already given up by the end of January. So if you’re struggling to make changes, know you are not alone and there are real reasons why people so rarely reach their goals. Whether you’re working on getting off the couch, drinking less, eating better, socializing more, or becoming more self-aware, let’s look at how you might use some research proven methods to reach your goals for the new year and beyond.

Make it SMART

Many times the people I work with will make their goals too vague or they go too big. This results in being uncertain about what steps to take OR setting the bar so high its impossible to achieve. Either way this will make goals feel overwhelming and before you know it that resolution to run a 5k this year has turned into marathon sessions of scrolling TikTok on the couch. Instead, use this SMART acronym to set goals you can actually meet.

• Specific: What are you going to do, when are you going to do it, how often, for how long? Get really detailed about what this will look like for you. That way when the time comes you’ll know exactly what steps to take. You may not feel very motivated still, but keep reading below to learn how to tackle that part.

• Measurable: How are you going to know if you are making progress on your goal? If we don’t have a sense of accomplishment we are not going to keep doing something hard or unpleasant. It takes time to see the benefits of change, so it can be a big challenge to keep it up until those benefits kick in. Having a way to track our goals helps us keep that motivation and momentum going until we get there. You might mark your progress on a calendar, write it in a journal or use a tracking app, there’s one for EVERYTHING!

• Attainable: This is especially important, and really hard for us Type As out there. Many times people will take on too much, find they can’t do it and then give up on the whole notion. Instead start very small and scale up from there, let one achievement build on the next. I often have people cut their goals back by 50% because we are more likely to stick with something when we have some success at the beginning. So if your goal is to give up fast food, start by just reducing how many times a week you go through the drive through and then grow from there.

• Related: Make your goal is DIRECTLY related to an area of life you want to improve. If you want to make a change, but aren’t clear on how or why that change will make your life better you won’t have a good reason to keep going when it gets hard. Take a moment to reflect on why you need to make the change, write it down or talk about it with someone you trust. Really take your time getting clear on why its worth the hard work. You might even discover that your original idea isn’t related after all and that something else entirely will help you do a better job of getting you to where you want to be.

• Time limited: Not knowing what things will look like when we’ve met our goal is another reason why we might quit before we get there. Our minds are designed to focus much more on the things that suck right now rather than the gains that we’ll make by following through on hard things. We tend to believe it will feel like this forever and forget that eventually things will get to a point where we won’t have to work so hard. So define for yourself how you’ll know when you’ve gotten to where you want to be so that you can remember you won’t always have to put in this level of effort.

Other Quick Tips:

• Look out for your inner-rebel: We all have this voice inside that wants to say “hell no, I’m not doing that” and the more that voice is argued with, the more it digs in its heels, even if its us doing the arguing. So come up with a plan for how you might acknowledge and accept that inner rebel and still move forward anyways.

• A stumble is not a failure: You won’t get it perfect every time. Have grace for yourself when if doesn’t work out so you won’t completely give up when there’s mistakes or off days. Tomorrow is always another opportunity to try again.

• Accountability will be your best friend: Let someone supportive in your life know about your goals and check in with them about it regularly. This key for so many people trying to make a change. Let the people who care about you cheer you on! Bonus points if that person is also working on making that same change, or is a professional trained in supporting people in making the types of changes you’re working on.

If you’re ready for some support with making changes in your life feel free to reach out here. And don’t forget to subscribe below for more free tips on mental health, trauma recovery and parenting.