Religious Trauma: Understanding and Healing the Damage
Cult documentaries seem to be all the rage right now, and I must confess that my husband and I love watching them together. There's something about seeing the eccentric characters, learning about the mechanics of how these groups form and lure unsuspecting individuals, and the relief that comes the moment when the cult leader finally faces the consequences for wrecking countless lives. What truly inspires me is witnessing the resilience and strength of former members as they rebuild their shattered lives. As I watch these stories unfold, my mind often turns to the people I've worked with – those who've endured their own versions of religious trauma, whether through escape from cults or recovery from experiencing controlling ideologies. In today’s post let’s discuss religious trauma and explore the journey towards recovery.
Now, let's be clear: religion can play a profoundly positive role in many people’s lives. As much as I've witnessed the harm caused by religious trauma, I've also seen the remarkable healing power religion can offer to individuals. For many, religion can fulfill spiritual needs, provide a sense of community and belonging, offer comfort during trying times, and give a higher purpose – all things that resonate with so many. However, there are instances where religious frameworks become tools of control, oppression, and even mental, emotional, financial, or physical and sexual abuse. Such experiences can leave deep scars on those who survive them. While this post focuses on religious trauma, these dynamics can extend to other high-control organizations without spiritual components such as some self-improvement groups, social clubs, multi-level marketing companies, and even toxic workplaces, each individual's experience is unique, but let's untangle some common traits of religious abuse:
Charismatic Leaders: Abusive organizations often revolve around charismatic leaders. These figures appear enlightened, possessing all the answers seekers crave, and effortlessly attract followers with their charm. Sadly, this magnetism is then weaponized to exploit those they claim to assist for personal or financial gain. Their manipulation of people's profound spiritual and personal desires can blind victims to the traumatic and harmful aspects of their organization. Many people believe that someone was sucked into an abusive religious group because of being vulnerable to the brainwashing tactics of the leader. The truth is that because of the way the leaders present themselves as having the solution to member’s most pressing problems, any one of us could easily become entangled by a leader of this type.
Coercive Beliefs: Certain religious groups enforce belief systems that must be rigidly followed; questioning these systems can result in punishment, gaslighting or guilt tactics. This can be presented so subtlety that its hard to recognize at first. These belief systems often masquerade as pathways to becoming a better, more spiritual person. Victims may even internalize the notion that their struggle with these beliefs reflects a personal or spiritual inadequacy. Such beliefs can perpetuate oppression, affecting women, LGBTQ+ individuals, those with mental health concerns or disabilities, and other marginalized groups. I've even worked with people raised in families that used coercive religious beliefs to justify child abuse. The fallout from these controlling beliefs can lead to PTSD, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, identity confusion, isolation, and a sense of being trapped.
Use of Guilt and Shame: Certain religious groups employ guilt and shame as tools to control members' thoughts, feelings, and behaviors – echoing the tactics of narcissistic abusers such as blame and gaslighting. This can erode self-esteem, fuel anxiety, foster self-doubt about one's own reality, and breed the belief that any problems are caused by personal flaws.
Punishment: Threats and use of punishments of many different types are common in religious abuse. This might look like threats of divine retribution, punishment from the organization's leadership, or can even come from fellow group members. Punishment might be overt as in cases of physical or sexual harm or more covert, such as being excluded from the group. Some groups even encourage self-punishment as the price for failing to meet often unreasonable standards. Fear of punishment can become a huge factor in keeping someone from leaving an abusive group.
The Journey to Recovery
Just as everyone's experience with religious trauma differs, so do the paths to recovery. Here are some starting points to consider:
Distance from the Group: Detaching from a traumatic religious group is easier said than done. For many, an abusive organization might be their sole social circle and support system. Children's education/childcare, your relationships, employment, or housing might all be intertwined with the organization so walking away often involves rebuilding life from the ground up. Remember, you don’t need to go through this alone. Check out the resources at the end of this post for support dedicated to helping people disentangle from abusive organizations.
Seek Support: This could mean finding a therapist with expertise in aiding abuse survivors, particularly those dealing with religious trauma. You might consider joining a support group or social media group to connect with a community of fellow survivors. Refer to the resources below for some options. It may not feel like it now but, healing is possible, and you deserve the support necessary as you rebuild your life.
Self-Compassion: Healing from trauma is neither fast nor easy. Some days, you'll feel like your returning to yourself, while on others, the world might seem to crumble around you. Such fluctuations are common after trauma. Your struggles are valid, and gentleness towards yourself as you work toward recovery is everything. In each moment, ask yourself about your needs, and as long as those needs are constructive, trust those instincts.
Reevaluate Spiritual Beliefs: For many I've worked with, this tends to be a later step in the recovery process, its also okay if this step never feels like it fits for you. It's perfectly normal, even expected, to feel an aversion to religion or spirituality after religious trauma. Over time, as you make peace with your past, you might find a desire to explore a more personal and meaningful connection to your spiritual beliefs.
No matter your experience or stage in recovery from religious trauma, remember that you don’t have to navigate this journey alone, humans are designed to heal in relationship. Below are resources that can provide support.
If you're ready to reclaim your life post-trauma, feel free to reach out for a complimentary 20-minute phone consultation here. Don’t forget to subscribe below for more information, tips and resources on trauma recovery.
Further Information, Book Recommendations, Support Groups, Survivor Stories, and Support for Loved Ones: